This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize