"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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