I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
high people should be assigned attendants
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
