You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
