GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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