I CAN MOONWALK!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
