you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
