The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
