the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
