I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
