you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
