it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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