I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
