i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
