you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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