We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
