its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
