from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
