So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize