I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
