you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My dick has a subreddit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
