She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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