In the future we'll all be gay
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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