honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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