im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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