my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
