how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
