It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
