morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
