There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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