you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
