i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
