yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
