I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
