Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
