fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
