Too much gin, very little bucket
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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