You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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