Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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