can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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