I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
