I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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