New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
FUCK WHALES
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize