The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
