i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
