Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
