i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
