this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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