I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
COCAINE IS GR8
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
