How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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