my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
