Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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