Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
