We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
