Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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