just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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