I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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