my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
