um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
