he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
