If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize