overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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