Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
