I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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