we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
