dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
