I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just cropdusted the office
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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