He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
