Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
