we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
