Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
