This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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