They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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