Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
