I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She bit a glass in half.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
