first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
