I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
