If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I intend to get homeless drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
