we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
