If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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