you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
