i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you had me at cake vodka
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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