Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
from now on my penis is your penis
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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