Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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