I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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