hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
