I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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