He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
