i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize