i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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