There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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