Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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