whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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