It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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