I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
