Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
