I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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