I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
