For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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