did you get engaged???
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
