i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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