dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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