In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
