I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
